On Giving Advice
Salaam alaikum,
This is an earlier entry on my own blog that talks about how we as Muslims should strive to help each along the path to self reformation and God consciousness without…umm, without literally kicking someone off the path by being arrogant and self-righteous. 
Verily, God loves kindness.
Nasiha (advice) is best from those we know and love. Kind words and good advice are better appreciated by a relative or friend rather than someone you just met at the mosque. So unless the person in question is close to you, maybe it’s just best to make dua and keep it to yourself.
Accept differences of opinion
Sometimes we have the tendency to point out actions that aren’t sinful, they’re just valid differences of opinion amongst scholars and schools of thought. You know what I’m talking about. Stuff like telling women who don’t wear niqab at the masjid that their prayers won’t be accepted or putting down brothers who don’t have beards. Not every man can grow a full beard and I have seen brothers try very hard to do it. And some of us have been berated over the way we pray. Usually, if I see someone praying in a way that I haven’t seen before, I just assume that there’s something I don’t know about the prayer or they are praying according to a different madhab. I guess it’s just human nature to point out the little things rather than focusing on the most important things such as having sincerity in the prayer or trying to make the mosque a place where people can run to if they need help. I don’t think most of the bloggers I know have a problem with different schools and sects of Islam but we all probably know someone who does. Make dua for them too so that they can see that Islam survived the Mongol Horde, it can definitely survive a Hanafi and a Salafi praying in the same masjid.
Check yourself first before you check others
Hmm, that old hidden sin of hypocrisy is very important. Before you call someone out on what they’re doing, make sure that the person isn’t able to come back and reveal your big sins. Here’s an example. Some people criticize Muslimas who don’t wear hijab and talk about how they are ruining the umma. Meanwhile, this same person is backbiting like no tomorrow, or sells alcohol or abuses his/her children. Come on! Or what if a person talks about how a certain mosque has bad aqeedah and this same person doesn’t even go to the mosque or pray. We’ve all run into that kind of behavior. We are mirrors for each other. The weakness that we see in others also reflects the potential weakness in ourselves.
Private counsel
Privacy and adab is very important when approaching someone. Another problem that we have (I mean as people, not just as Muslims) is that urge to “correct� someone publicly and loudly without realizing how hurtful that can be. Okay, you heard so-and-so went to the club but that doesn’t mean you wait to “correct� him/her in front of everyone at the next halaqa. I know of one scholar who said that part of being a believer is pretending not to see others’ faults. Now, that’s pretending not accepting. You know it’s wrong, you just don’t expose it in front of everyone.
Stick to the serious issues
When you think you should tell someone about a particular action, what is the gravity of the action? Because honestly, we should speak up when a brother/sister is doing something so reckless that their dunya and akhira are both in danger. Some are willing to point out the way how someone else wiggles their finger during prayer. But what about child abuse? Or how about someone who is having unprotected sex with their lover or he/she is cheating on his/her spouse? People don’t mind gossiping about this stuff but how many are actually willing to sit down and have a serious talk with that person? We’ve all been there. It’s hard to talk to a loved one about destructive behavior, especially when you feel like that person will shoot you down. Let them know that their present life is in danger, such as disease and pregnancy for a person having unprotected sex. Most people, and this includes some religious folks, are not really persuaded by brimstone and hellfire. All I can say is if you proceed, do so with caution. I’ve had many a friend that preferred to run head first into a brick wall before listening to any piece of advice.
Check holier than thou attitude at the door
Really, I mean it. You can’t enjoin good and forbid evil with a smug attitude. You can’t give dawah to people if you think they are beneath you. Think about like this. You are a Muslim. You have been exposed to the Truth. Therefore, on the day of judgement, you won’t have any excuse before the Lord of the Worlds. Someone who hasn’t been exposed to the Truth or whose heart is not yet ready to receive the Truth has an excuse. Just remember that what you see may not be all that’s there. The person you think is so sinful may spend their nights praying qiyam al layl. Or that tight wad of a brother is spending his wealth on the poor like there’s no tomorrow. Just keep in mind that only God knows our stations before Him.
