Jewelry
Contributed by Suhaa, who usually blogs at “Luminosity” http://suhaa.myminaret.com
My youngest of three daughters doesn’t have her ears pierced yet. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get them done or not. It was easy for me to get my oldest stabbed in both ears because she was 6 months and I had always thought that cute baby girls got even cuter with tiny studs. Then there was my second oldest child who I felt like I had to get them done, because I thought it was only fair, plus because she wore a hearing aid in each ear I thought she already had eyes on her for a hearing loss she was born with and to deter attention from that I again just thought that if I didn’t get her ears pierced that I would be inhibiting her from an opportunity…an opportunity of what, I’m not sure…but I knew that there would be obstacles she’d have to face differently than her older sister. So sure enough, at 5 months old she was pricked in her earlobes.
I’m not really a cold person towards my children, I don’t think I am? But girls will be girls, and society tells us, or at least told me that baby girls are cuter with earings! Subhan’Allah. I had a voice question my choice to get the older girls pierced, actually 2, my brother and my own soul. I didn’t have to deal with this decision with child #3 because alhamdulilah he was a he. But when #4 came along, I knew that I couldn’t find it in my heart to go take another child to get stabbed. I mean, she has always been an obvious she, and deeper than that I can’t figure out a reason to justify getting holes in her lobes for the sake of Allah?! La Howla wala Quwatta illa billah.
Am I being insane here? Probably, but I’m serious…how am I going to justify bringing her to the mall (paying what like 20 bucks?) for some horrid pain, high pitch screams, an enormous guilt trip? Maybe having witnessed one of my children go for a lumbar puncture did it for me too…made me boycott piercing baby girls. It’s one thing if something needs to be done like lumbar puncture one of my kids had to go through, but it’s another thing if it’s done in vain for the sake of outer beauty. It doesn’t make sense anymore, and if I had thought about it earlier on..none of my daughters would have the luxury of wearing earings as babies…especially as babies when Allah created babies so edibly cute without the excess we throw on them. Subhan’Allah.
Having said all that, as jewelry is pleasant to wear, it’s sort of arrogant in a way don’t you think? Ever since I was engaged, then alhamdulilah married I often hid my diamond by sliding it under into my palm while at the masjid, or even other places. As much as I loved it, it declared something about me that I am not proud of. When people saw it, maybe they didn’t think anything of it, or maybe they wanted one like it. I don’t know, but in some ways, I felt my hand being a little more attractive. Maybe by wearing it, I thought it might give a positive impression towards non-Muslims (like, “see, my husband isn’t like whatever messed up thought you have about muslim men�). Sounds crazy, but to a certain extent I do try to conteract those fears in people’s hearts of what Islam is all about. Sometimes all I have to do is open my mouth and talk to my children in a calm way at BJ’s wholesale store, or Target and hopefully that might deter negative thoughts in the minds of one person. Maybe sounds optimistic but I am conscious of my surroundings and know that people take notes when they see me, to compare with their already established notes on what Islam is, and how Muslim women are.
Back to the diamond issue though, because having lost this for a few weeks made me more humbly reflective in a sense, sort of. Even my husband who bought this for me as my mahr, reminded me that this might be one way to be purified before heading to the Sacred spot. Subhan’Allah.
Symbols are so not a part of Islam, rather good deeds and the intentions for pleasing Allah are a combined union of what’s important. This fact is probably why I had one of those complexes about this ring before I lost it. So much so, that days before it was officially declared missing, I had strong concerns that it might get lost, even though it was put with a few other daily pieces like my watch and such as always. With everything in my house currently being messed with between throwing things out, storing, packing or ditching, you can imagine how easy it is to misplace something…and with me it was the diamond!
Surprisingly enough, as I was kneeling on the bathroom floor making sure under the cabinets were clear of girls barettes, or any toy cars I sweeped my hand across it and grabbed my ring not even realizing it was really “it� until I looked at it, for I thought there was no more hope in finding it. So I wore it backwards, even though in my own house..so I wouldn’t lose it again. This was one of those moments in my life that I had to choose what to exactly do with it, do I continue to wear it when I go out and ignore an ill-feelings I had of doing that when it was lost anyway? Or do I wear it inside my home where I should aim at beautifying myself? I wasn’t comfortable with either answer actually, because to wear it while changing diapers, cooking, or typing didn’t make much sense to me, and to wear it outside to the supermarket didn’t either. If I were to wear it to a gathering of other women, I would feel as I always did a little off with my intentions of wearing it in the first place. In addition to all of that, now that we are going to Madinah Munawarra in a few days, I feel a less desire to display it on my finger. Subhan’Allah, I love it, but it just doesn’t seem right to me, and if I do wear it-maybe it will be so that I don’t lose it again, and for sure the diamond will be on the bottom insha’Allah. When the women back in the day of Rasullilah (alayhee salat wa’salaam) learned about the importance of charity, they all took all their jewlery off and gave it up no problem and no hesitations at all. But here I am stuck wondering what to do with it. I just keep remembering that a tiny spec of a good deed for the sake of Allah is heavier and more significant than a tiny spec of flash on my finger or on my daughter’s ears.
may Allah purify us all and make us of those who are granted His Mercy… and ALLAH knows best.
