Nisaa, muslim women Features

When she was little

This poem is cross-posted at Koonj and at Truth & Beauty.

For the Urdu and Punjabi glossary, see below the poem.

When she was little, her ammi always
measured affection acceptance freedom malaai botiyan for her
in little plastic measuring spoons

Abbu would say “Kameeni zaleel,
naak-kataey-gi” if she hadn’t
cleaned when bhaijan cluttered the room -.

And every now and again her ammi
fixed her with a look of fierce
love,
and ripped into her with
vitriol

an hour later she’d bring for her
a poignant glass of kacha milk,—
“One day, when her husband cusses her out,
she won’t collapse entirely.”

Parents’ love is a ferocious thing

The day after her wedding, her husband’s
buddies told him -
“Don’t smile too much.
gorbeh kushten is the way to go.
Haramzadiyan, they get comfortable, and
then it’s trouble for your pocketbook.”

Her husband measured paisas for her,
snarled if he caught her stealing sugar
for tea;
“if i let her be free
with sugar today, she’ll be free with gold.”

If she stared at the silvery moon
that poured cool ardour through window bars,
he wanted to know which yaar it was
standing in the street for her.
- “Is he the one who fathered not one,
but two daughters that I have to feed?”

And one day she came to her maikah,
black and blue with a broken tooth.
Her ammi abbu hung their heads,
turned their tears away and said
“beti” - with cruel brokenness -
“Beti, you have to go back home.
This isn’t your home anymore.

Now, this is your brother’s house.
He will not let your hungry blank-eyed
children eat from his dinner plates.

If we do the unthinkable,
and let you sweep the floors over here,
every neighbour’s eye will defile
your body, make it black and blue.
better that one man, the crown upon your head,
should drive you to the grave

If your majazi khuda
comes to take you home
and we send him away,
your aunts will come,
dripping venom, asking,
“Who has not been black and blue?
What surkhab ke par does she have?
How wrong it is that fathers don’t
teach daughters better than to come with
open mouths to bhabhis’ homes. “

Beti, we have no home for you.
homes do not belong to girls.
maikahs belong to brothers and
susral belongs to majazi khudas.

Shelter is measured out stringently
when daughters come begging broken-nosed

Years later, wrinkles blossomed around
her anxious eyes.
And the maulvi said
“Allah gives us trials so
you won’t expect too much,” she pulls
the dupatta stuffed inside her mouth,
and says, “Those who love you, measure,
knowing
we of tender flesh would lose
our minds if we get
too much.

Some day, maulvi saheb, some day, -
sadqe ya Rasulullah! -
if worthless piece of filth, I should
end up at hauz-e-kauser, there
will be
no measuring, I’ll drink
too much
from his generous cup
till stomach busts,
and in the shade of his blessed eye
heart spills open and stops at last.”

___________________________________

GLOSSARY
malaai: cream
botiyan: chunks of meat
Ammi: Mother
Abbu: father
kameeni zaleel naak-kataey-gi: inferior-born girl, you’ll dishonour us some day
kacha milk: Fresh milk that hasn’t been boiled yet
gorbeh kushten rooz-e-avval: Persian proverb famous in the sub-continent. Literally “killing the cat the first day.” The story goes that when a man got married, to establish dominance over his wife, he killed the domestic cat so she would become fearful of him.
haramzadiyan: Illegitimate daughters [general curse for women]
yaar: Close friend - here, paramour
Maikah: Parents’ home (for a married woman)
Beti: Daughter
Majazi khuda: god on earth (common term for husband)
What Surkhab ke par does she have: What’s so special about her. (Surkhab is a bird with red wings, and “surkhab ke par” means wings of the surkhab.)
Bhabhi: Sister-in-law (brother’s wife)
Susral: In-laws’ home (generally for a woman)
Sadqe ya rasulullah: May I be sacrificed for you, O Prophet of God.
Hauz-e-kauser: A river from which the Prophet will give believers to drink in Paradise
Maulvi: Local Muslim Cleric