Open Your Hearts & Your Homes
Salaams all… this my first entry on Nisaa, so wish me the best! It is cross-posted from my blog.
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All the latest talk about adoption rights has got me thinking about the issue of fostering.
A while ago, I read an urgent appeal for Muslim foster parents in the UK. The situation was, and still is, desperate. Many of the Muslim children that require homes are refugees that entered the UK without accompanying guardians. Social services always tries to place the children under their care with families of a similar background, culture, and religion, for obvious reasons. However, there is a severe lack of Muslim families volunteering their homes for this special service.
I cannot put my finger on why this is, exactly. If one was to do a search of the term “orphan” in the Qur’an and the narrations of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), no doubt you would find numerous references outlining the great reward promised to those who look after these less fortunate members of the community. In fact, a significant part of the humanitarian work undertaken by various UK-based Muslim charities overseas, involves the building and maintenance of orphanages, and schools for orphans. So why is this behaviour not being translated into more direct action here, in the UK?
I especially wonder at why the many Muslim couples who cannot have children of their own, waste thousands of pounds on repeated cycles of IVF treatment that have a ridiculously low success rate, when they could be spending this money on real-life babies, who are in need of the parental love that would flow so freely from their hearts - subhanallah, if they just gave it a chance!
I know it is not that simple. I am not so unfeeling towards the trials faced by infertile couples, especially as my own mother suffered terribly with multiple miscarriages before I was born. The stories I have heard from her own lips about the treatment she received from certain individuals in my extended family, is enough to make my blood boil.
But when I read the appeal, I could not help but feel some kind of pre-motherly sympathy for these poor infants. It is not enough for my heart to bleed, nor for my eyes to shed tears; this is useless sentimentality that will do no good to anyone. I made a decision that if Allah allowed it, I would one day take in at least one needy child into my home, whether I had been blessed with my own children or not. After all, I cannot urge others in my community to take on such a challenge, without getting involved myself; one must lead by example.
I have been especially inspired by the noble actions of one family of six that I know from Leicester (two parents in their fifties, and their four children, who were in their late teens to early twenties at the time) who took in two young Muslim children, that they had heard about through the local mosque. Social services had placed them into care after their father had been imprisoned, and their mother was not coping well on her own. I visited the family several times while the children were living with them, and it was such a beautiful sight to see how well they had settled into their new home. Being the youngest members of the tribe, they were heavily spoiled - but in a good way! Alhamdulillah, the children are now back with their original family, after their father was released. They regularly visit their old foster kin, and I still hear stories about their antics.
I urge any Muslim couples who may be reading this to contact your local authority to see if you can change a child’s life for the better. It does not have to be for the long-term; many households experience temporary pressures, where they just need a short break from parenthood to get back on their feet. In this way you would be helping an entire family, not just one child.
I sincerely pray that of all the lofty, idealistic goals I have set for myself in life, this is one I will actually achieve. It is not as if I have to travel half-way round the world to accomplish it, nor do I even need to be wealthy, especially as foster parents receive a support allowance from the state. I just need to have a welcoming home, a lot of patience, and a soft heart (and of course, a husband who feels as strongly about this, as I do, if not more so!).
May Allah make it easy for me; I really don’t want this to be empty rhetoric.
Responses
iMuslim, it is a wonderful, wonderful post. Very well done! You are a very good writer and the issue you have discussed here is clearly related to Muslim women and their families. You are already making a difference with your first NISAA article – great job!
I wrote a paper on orphanages once when I was twenty years old. My husband (then husband-to-be) was with me when we visited an orphanage and we both were so moved we promised to adopt a child, a girl, when we got married and could afford. I often return to the idea but there are many things that stop us now and we haven’t been able to do what we dreamt about. Surely there must families who should be able to help a child even if temporarily.
My father’s brother tried to have a child for nine years before adopting a girl; a cousin tried and conceived after 14 years. I think why many people keep trying is because they want a part of themselves. I know my family gave my uncle a lot of grief because he gave the child his name and since he has no child of ‘his own’ he has already given her everything in his will. Many relatives have disowned him because he is “doing something unIslamic.� I think this may be one reason people keep trying to have children of their own. I know it really scared my cousin from adopting and she insisted on painful procedures instead. Just a theory…
Good post!
thanks for the reminder iMuslim. I agree that it is so important… personally, I think that we all should adopt at least 1 child, if we can manage to do so. InshaAllah, I want to do so as well once my kids are older and I can handle more 
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