Wa ‘alaikumus-salaam.

This is a very good question. Most men - as far as I am aware - do not help much with household chores… and those with two or more homes to tend for probably don’t either. Of course, Allaah knows best, but I guess we need to ‘hear it from the horses’ mouth!

sorry, i have no idea…

I think a better topic would be to generalize that to all Muslim husbands. What does your husband do around the house and or with the kids?

On a workday, my husband does a few things when he comes home from work: he always has Ibrahim sit next to him at dinner time (divide and conquer the two kids between us, but i get the older, easier child ). Then he plays with the kids 1/2 hour or so and some days reviews/teaches Qur’an with my oldest. So that’s my break time, and thank God for any little break i can get. though he sometimes gets home late and i don’t get a break :(. Before bed, if the playroom is messy he will fix it up and vaccuum it if necessary because i homeschool in that room.

On the weekends, his help is more apparent: taking out trash, appreciating my big delicious breakfast, taking the kids for 3 hours at the YMCA while i do laundry & homeschool planning, teaching oldest Qur’an, and cleans the house sunday night to be ready for homeschooling that week. (we had an agreement that if i homeschool that he would help out with the housework.)

God bless him and keep him for me I always thank him for every little thing he does because even the smallest thing is such a big help for me in this overwhelming motherhood and i want him to keep doing what he’s doing. I also return the favor by letting him sleep in on the weekends and making sure dinner is ready when he arrives from and the house is somewhat tidy.

Bismillaah

As Salaamu ‘alaykum sisters,

From my observations, i have seen very few men who actually lift up their fingers for household works. However, having said that i must say that my dad set a good example for his son to follow. He would wash at least his own plates, help my mother around when we (the children) are not around and also if he cannot do it, he would employ another person to help my mother. So, perhaps, at least, if men can’t help out much with housework, the least is to get some help for the wife. Just a thought!

salaams,

Interesting… thanks for your responses.

I have to say that alhamdulillah, my husband helps quite a lot at home with pretty much everything, so maybe I just assumed that was the norm

Let’s see… he does dishes, laundry, taking out garbage, and putting kids to bed… almost every day. Some people like to ask what my duties are.

I think it would be interesting to hear from some husbands on this topic. yea?

I think in general…men aren’t much of home helpers.  The interesting thing with polygyny is that most women do all their housework on their “day off”.....that way whenever hubby comes home, things are spotless.  Because my hubby is married to his other wife in another country…I don’t get those days.

But he’s not much of a help at home…..one time I asked him to make salad and he just looked at me like hell had frozen over….lol.  I guess I didn’t train him well…...!!!!

My husband is one of the few who does a great deal around the house, unusual in his culture, but totally normal in my background. I believe its definitely the Sunna for men to do household stuff and I don’t think it’s all the responsibility of the wife. My husband thinks differently but he does it for me anyway. I am heavily pregnant so at the moment he is doing heaps. Most mornings he has hung out a load of washing and done dishes before im up.Alhamdulillah, he’s prepared to be flexible in this way for me because i really couldn’t deal with a man who thought i was his slave.

Interestingly this is a polygynous marriage, albeit a non-functioning one at the moment, but i do wonder what he does when he is at the other house. Whether he is as helpful or if he expects more from her because she is from the same culture as him. i assume that he helps because she is a highly professional woman who wouldn’t have time to do everything herself.

الســـلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

We men indeed do not help much, particularly those from desi or Eastern background. It is a cultural thing. Sometimes the eldest son is co-opted by a mother to help in household chores, and he carries that habit after marriage. Sometimes men who have had to fend for themselves alone due to work or study reasons, learn to do some household work, and insist they are better at it.

Newly married wives sometimes create problems for themselves by refusing help or denigrating the efforts of their husbands. Then the husband would give up help altogether.

walaikum salaam Timbuktu,

thanks for you comments.

“Newly married wives sometimes create problems for themselves by refusing help or denigrating the efforts of their husbands. Then the husband would give up help altogether.”

really??? why is this ladies? Personally, I did not have this problem, I welcome any help!

I wonder if this has anything to do with the couple having to life with the groom’s parents, and then the wife feels like she is being watched and so does not want her husband to help her??

I have 3 sons, and inshaAllah I want them all to have their own homes when they get married inshaAllah because I think that is the best thing for a new marriage… (unless, of course there are circumstances when this is not possible)

thoughts?

Wa laikum salam,

What does a muslimah do when she is the 2nd wife and her husband (obviously not legally in the U.S.) buys her a home?  How can she protect her interest in the property should some unfortunate situation (Allah forbid) arise in the marriage?

Please share.

My husband tries to help around the house, but he sometimes works long hours and has a long commute, so it’s sometimes difficult. However, He does change diapers, cook occasionally on weekends, take out trash, vacuum(whan asked), watch our duaghter when I need a break, etc. If I tell him I’m tired and I don’t feel like cooking, he will usually offer to take us out, or order something in. I don’t like eating take-out much, so I usually just break down and cook when the term “pizza” comes up.